Bad joke corner

Come in, relax, play with your friends! You can find something for everybody here. You can even find threads with no particular point at all, other than a good time! You can even start up some role playing.
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Bad joke corner

#1

Post by Valerion »

Rule: post a groan-inducing joke here.
A woman went to see her butcher. She told him that she's pregnant and it's his child. So to settle matters, and after a very long discussion, they decided he would give her a package of meat every day until the child is 18. Eventually the child got older and picked up the package of meat himself daily.

One day the butcher told the child, "Tomorrow you are 18. I no longer need to give you anything. Now go to your mother and tell her this, and see what her face looks like, then come and tell me." The child went home and told his mother what the butcher said.

The mother replied, "Now go back to the butcher and tell him that for the past 18 years I have also gotten free milk from the milkman and bread from the baker daily, and see what his face looks like, then come and tell me."
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Re: Bad joke corner

#2

Post by THE CORINTHIAN »

Thats not such a bad joke

Now here is a bad one

A littel girl is in a barber shop eating a twinkie. The barber says to her "You are gona get haer on your twinkie". She then turns to him & says "& also under my armes"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#3

Post by Electrocat »

Guy and his girlfriend go to the zoo for the day, and they pass the gorilla exhibit. The gorilla seems to be, well, in heat or something.

So the guy says to his girfriend to shake her bum at the gorilla, see what he does.
She's hesitant, but does it.

The gorilla start snorting and huffing at her.

So the guy says she should lift her top and flash the gorilla.

She does and the gorilla starts beating his chest.

Finally the guy says she should lift her skirt up and flash the gorilla.

The Gorilla hangs from a tree and starts doing flips!

So the guy takes his girlfriend and tosses her over the fence into the exhibit.

"Now tell HIM you have a headache!"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#4

Post by Rakuen Growlithe »

Perhaps we should expand this to include all sorts of jokes? Then whenever someone has a joke they'd like to share they can post it here.

Five emos are in a room. One kills himself. Why?
He didn't have a corner to sulk in.
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
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Re: Bad joke corner

#5

Post by Valerion »

I agree with expanding it ;)
An old man and his wife are sitting on their porch, rocking contentedly. Without warning, the old woman suddenly turns to the old man and whacks him across the knees with her cane.

"What was that for?" yells the old man, eyes watering in pain.

She responds, "That's for fifty years of bad sex."

They go back to rocking in silence. A few minutes later, the man turns to his wife and whacks her across the knees with his cane.

"Now what was that for?" hollers the old woman.

"That," says the old man, "is for knowing the difference."
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Re: Bad joke corner

#6

Post by Rakuen Growlithe »

A kid's writing a test and the question is "How many hydrogen atoms in a water molecule?"
The boy answers, "1" and gets the question wrong.
Then a genie appears and offers the boy three wishes.
The boy says, "I wish I got that question right."
The genie grants his wish and the whole world explodes.
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
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Re: Bad joke corner

#7

Post by anoyomouse »

They said that America would only get a black president when pigs fly, not 100 days later .. Swine flu

yes, i know it's terrible :P
~~~(___^> *squeak*
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Re: Bad joke corner

#8

Post by Rakuen Growlithe »

I heard 1 in 10 000 plane passengers bring a bomb on-board. Now whenever I fly I take a bomb with me. I figure the chances of two people on a plane each having a bomb is astronomical.
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
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Re: Bad joke corner

#9

Post by Valerion »

I used to be a werewolf, but I'm all right noooow-owowooooow!
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Re: Bad joke corner

#10

Post by Tigris Astartes »

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.


As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.


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Re: Bad joke corner

#11

Post by Valerion »

Propellor? No, properly it is called a fan. t keeps the pilot cool. Turn it off and watch him sweat.
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Re: Bad joke corner

#12

Post by Rakuen Growlithe »

Should we really be making jokes about planes with all the crashes going on?

-----

A plane is flying across the Atlantic when the pilot says over the intercom.
"We've just lost an engine. Don't worry we can fly on the other three but we'll be a little late."
After a bit longer the intercom comes on again.
"We've lost another engine. Don't worry though, we can still fly but we'll be even later."
The flight continues until the intercom comes on again.
"We've lost the third engine. We can fly on only one engine but we're now going to be really late."
At this point a passenger exclaims. "If we lose another engine we'll be stuck up here all night."

-----

"Why haven't we taken off yet?" a passenger asks an air-hostess.
"I'm sorry but the pilot heard a noise in the engine and wouldn't take off. It took us a while to find another pilot."
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~

“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
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Re: Bad joke corner

#13

Post by Hargan »

Here's one i like:

A man is tired of his nagging wife and of always being poor and decides to kill two birds with one stone. He takes out a life insurance on his wife for a million rand. He then gets in contact with an underworld agent known only as Artie. Artie tells him he'll kill the wife for R20 000, but only if he can get a down payment first. The poor guy explains he will only have money after getting the insurance policy, but Artie insists on getting a down payment. The guy looks in his wallet and pulls out a R2 coin, and hands it over to Artie who begrudgingly accepts it. He follows the wife for a few days, before deciding to kill her in the grocery section of the nearby checkers. He follows her into the store and making sure no one else was around, starting strangling her with his bare hands. As the woman took her dying breaths, the produce manager stumbled upon the scene. Not wanting to have any witnesses, he starts choking the produce manager too. However, unknown to Artie, the security cameras have caught everything and he is arrested before leaving the store. As he's interrogated, he reveals the entire sordid . Soon the husband is arrested too, and the whole plot is revealed to the world. The next day, the newspapers ran the headlines "Artie chokes 2 for R2 at Checkers"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#14

Post by Valerion »

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions of stars."

Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"

Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."
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Re: Bad joke corner

#15

Post by Dasc-Crescent »

Have you heard about that Scottish cross dresser? he wore pants.

if being gay is sick than I should call in queer to work: "sorry, still cant come to work, still queer."
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Re: Bad joke corner

#16

Post by Contrast »

A priest checks into a motel. He walks up to the receptionist and says: "I do hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
The receptionist looks at him and says: "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#17

Post by rusted hydra »

Tom and his hot wife were playing golf when the ball suddenly goes inside a house. They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.

Man: I want to thank you. I am genie who was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you each 1 wish, and I will keep 1 for myself.

Tom: I want a billion dollars.

Wife: I want a house in every country of the world.

Genie: Done. Done.

Tom : And what is your wish genie?

Genie: Well, since I haven't loved a
woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.

Tom said: Emm... Ok! You'll get us a lot of money. I guess I don't mind. The genie took the wife upstairs and banged her for two hours.

After it was over he asked her: How old is your husband?

Wife answers: 35.

Genie: Really? And he still believes in genie stories!
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Re: Bad joke corner

#18

Post by rusted hydra »

And here is another one:
A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.''

''Whatcha mean? my sexual needs?''

''Well, you stick your willy in the hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.''

''What happens on Wednesdays?''

''It's your turn in the barrel...'
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Re: Bad joke corner

#19

Post by Contrast »

A son from a poor family wins 20 million rand in the lottery. He goes home and gives his old dad 1000 rand. The old man takes the cash and says, "Thanks, son. This money will mean a lot to me - we've never had much in this family; we've always been poor... I couldn't even afford to marry your mother.
"What!?" exclaims the son. "You mean I'm a bastard?"
"Yes," his father replies. "And a F#$%ing cheap one, too!"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#20

Post by Valerion »

A tourist asked a boat guy, "Do you know Biology, Psychology,

Geography, Geology or Criminology?"

The boat guy said, "NO...." not any.

The tourist then asked, "What the hell do you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!"
The boat guy said nothing…..
After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking.

The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodiology?"

The tourist said, "NO!"

The boat guy replied, "Well today you will Drownology and Crocodiology will eat your Assology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#21

Post by Contrast »

Two women go for a girls' night on the town and get very drunk. Staggering home they become desperate for a piss and duck into a cemetery. When they've finished, the first woman uses her panties to wipe herself, then throws them away. The other woman is wearing expensive underwear, so she wipes herself with a card from a nearby wreath.
The following morning the two husbands are comparing notes over the phone. One says, "I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives. My wife came home without any underwear on."
The other replies, "You think that's bad? My wife came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, 'We will never forget you.'"
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Re: Bad joke corner

#22

Post by Venic Dragon »

AIDS WARNING To all of you approaching 50 or have reached 50 and past, this warning is especially for you. SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATIONS LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS! Hearing aids, band aids, roll aids, walking aids, medical aids, government aids and most of all monetary aids to their kids! Not forgetting HIV (hair is vanishing)
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Re: Bad joke corner

#23

Post by terror »

What kind of candy does a zombie refuse to eat?
Lifesavers
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Re: Bad joke corner

#24

Post by Contrast »

My second sis, "A", used to tell these jokes over and over. Worst jokes EVER! But apparently that's what makes them funny (or so she says).

What's yellow, full of holes, sits under a tree and barks?
A guard-cheese.

What's green, has four legs, sits in a tree and will kill you if it falls on you?
A pool table.

Well this is the BAD joke corner, isn't it? :)
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Re: Bad joke corner

#25

Post by Faanvolla »

Bad Punny Jokes:

How much do dead batteries cost?
Nothing, they are free of charge.

Jokes about german sausages are the wurst.

A girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club but I've never met herbivore.

I don't enjoy computor jokes. Not one bit.

When a chemist dies... we Barium.

Past present and future walk into a bar... it was tense.

I was addicted to soap. But don't worry, I'm clean now

I was struck by lightning. It was shocking.

Need an ark?
I Noah guy

My iPods name is Titanic. And now its Syncing.
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Re: Bad joke corner

#26

Post by Asbjorn-phoenix »

On the night that Princess Diana died. Wills and Harry went out drinking and came home motherless.

---

What does Diana stand for?
Died
In
A
Nasty
Accident.

---

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?
You get to meet new people every day.

What's the second best thing about Alzheimer's?
You get to hide your own Easter eggs.

---

How do you know if a hit has been put out on you by the gay Mafia?
You get home and the furniture has been rearranged and you have new curtains.
If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear,
if you've something to hide you shouldn't be here.
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Re: Bad joke corner

#27

Post by Asbjorn-phoenix »

Mommy mommy why is daddy running around the yard? Shut up and give me another bullet!

Mommy mommy, why is granny hanging on the washline? Shut up or you won't get any biltong.

Mommy mommy, daddy just fell off a cliff! What's your father got to say about it? Aaaarrgh

Anyone else know any mommy jokes?
If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear,
if you've something to hide you shouldn't be here.
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Re: Bad joke corner

#28

Post by Contrast »

I know a few, but they're much too filthy for the PG13 section, and much too bad for the Filthy Joke thread in the yiffy section. :?
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Re: Bad joke corner

#29

Post by Grayhound »

What did the buffalo say to his child?

Bison.
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Re: Bad joke corner

#30

Post by Adagio »

Chuck Norris knows who Anoyomouse is...
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