Handling Stress
- Galahad
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Handling Stress
Stress.
You have it. I have it. Your coworkers have it. Tannie Marge from down the street and her pet hamster both have it. And in 2019, it is a phenomenon that is commonplace and unavoidable in practically all walks of life, and the bulk of it - work, studying, mothers-in-law, illness, receding hairlines, mothers-in-law - cannot be eliminated. In fact, the more optimistic and ambitious among us might even say one good thing about stress is it reminds you that you're alive and going against the grain! … For better or worse.
So for much of it we can only do what is the next best thing: handle it and minimize it appropriately.
But here is where we run into trouble. Because the management of stress can be a tricky son of a bitch to do properly, and there is no universally applicable manual for it. At least, not according to my knowledge. The management of stress can make the difference between a debilitating breakdown, and self-growth. A favourite analogy of mine, though I might be biased towards its usage, is the concept of work hardening in metallurgy and engineering: the strength of steels and some other metals can be improved by plastically deforming it. That is, beating it.
If you take a plate of low-carbon steel and begin whacking the poor thing with a hammer - at least, moderately, we don't want to abuse the thing any more than necessary, right? - you are in effect introducing microscopic dislocations into the crystal lattice of the atomic structure that toughen it. … In other words, by denting and compressing it... you are making it stronger. ... It might look a bit uglier. But mechanically, it will be more durable under ordinary conditions.
Similarly, when stress is managed properly, it can in fact make us more resilient. Tougher nuts to crack. But if the same amount of stress is managed poorly, you will be swept into the merciless cogs of a disorganized life that will crush you and leave you a nervous wreck.
So here is my question for those who know this all too well:
How do you cope? When life starts getting bad, how do you manage it? What lessons can you share with the rest of us?
You have it. I have it. Your coworkers have it. Tannie Marge from down the street and her pet hamster both have it. And in 2019, it is a phenomenon that is commonplace and unavoidable in practically all walks of life, and the bulk of it - work, studying, mothers-in-law, illness, receding hairlines, mothers-in-law - cannot be eliminated. In fact, the more optimistic and ambitious among us might even say one good thing about stress is it reminds you that you're alive and going against the grain! … For better or worse.
So for much of it we can only do what is the next best thing: handle it and minimize it appropriately.
But here is where we run into trouble. Because the management of stress can be a tricky son of a bitch to do properly, and there is no universally applicable manual for it. At least, not according to my knowledge. The management of stress can make the difference between a debilitating breakdown, and self-growth. A favourite analogy of mine, though I might be biased towards its usage, is the concept of work hardening in metallurgy and engineering: the strength of steels and some other metals can be improved by plastically deforming it. That is, beating it.
If you take a plate of low-carbon steel and begin whacking the poor thing with a hammer - at least, moderately, we don't want to abuse the thing any more than necessary, right? - you are in effect introducing microscopic dislocations into the crystal lattice of the atomic structure that toughen it. … In other words, by denting and compressing it... you are making it stronger. ... It might look a bit uglier. But mechanically, it will be more durable under ordinary conditions.
Similarly, when stress is managed properly, it can in fact make us more resilient. Tougher nuts to crack. But if the same amount of stress is managed poorly, you will be swept into the merciless cogs of a disorganized life that will crush you and leave you a nervous wreck.
So here is my question for those who know this all too well:
How do you cope? When life starts getting bad, how do you manage it? What lessons can you share with the rest of us?
- Adagio
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Re: Handling Stress
Recently, I started taking up meditation to help me cope. Its definitely working for me.
If that doesnt work. I bake or cook or make something.
If that doesnt work. I bake or cook or make something.
- Rakuen Growlithe
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Re: Handling Stress
More seriously, I'm generally really calm and unstressed. I was actually told I was too calm, which I found kinda weird. How do I manage stress? I guess it's some combination of self-reflection, acceptance and rationality. I don't really believe in fate or any of that sort of nonsense but I guess I have a kind of feeling that things will work out okay in the end. Then I tend to look at my own feelings and responses to things and ask myself why I feel or react a certain way and what I intend to accomplish from it. Most worrying or stress is pretty useless.
For example, I'm trying to find a new job so I'm sending out a bunch of applications. I could stress about it but that would accomplish exactly nothing. It would be harmful to me but have no positive effect, so I recognise the emotion but discard it as pointless. That's not to say I never get annoyed or frustrated or upset. Of course I do. But that's usually a short term response to something that is happening at the time. In such a situation, if there is action I can take to change the situation, I do that. If there is no action I can take then it is out of my hands and I just leave it to unfold on its own.
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
- Galahad
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Re: Handling Stress
I remember you mentioning meditation. Is there a particular type or pattern of meditation you follow? I know sometimes meditation means different things for different people.Adagio wrote:Recently, I started taking up meditation to help me cope. Its definitely working for me.
If that doesnt work. I bake or cook or make something.
And I didn't know you baked!
Except when the chair's pneumatic system starts acting up, hm? Ba dum tss!Rakuen Growlithe wrote:More seriously, I'm generally really calm and unstressed.
A very rational and stoic approach. I like it! And it is actually one I try to take, as well. Isn't that technically part of stoicism? Objective rationalization of emotions and imagining the worst possible outcomes?Rakuen Growlithe wrote:I guess it's some combination of self-reflection, acceptance and rationality. I don't really believe in fate or any of that sort of nonsense but I guess I have a kind of feeling that things will work out okay in the end. Then I tend to look at my own feelings and responses to things and ask myself why I feel or react a certain way and what I intend to accomplish from it. Most worrying or stress is pretty useless.
- Rakuen Growlithe
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Re: Handling Stress
Yup, though I was doing pretty much the same thing before I started learning about Stoicism. That more expanded my own thoughts and clarified things. Some were new, particularly in terms of the intentions of the exercises. I think I'm better at putting many of the ideas into practice now.
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
- Adagio
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Re: Handling Stress
I'm sure I mentioned baking to you?Galahad wrote: ↑Wed May 01, 2019 8:57 pmI remember you mentioning meditation. Is there a particular type or pattern of meditation you follow? I know sometimes meditation means different things for different people.Adagio wrote:Recently, I started taking up meditation to help me cope. Its definitely working for me.
If that doesnt work. I bake or cook or make something.
And I didn't know you baked!
Anyway... I was experiencing super bad stress when a youtube add came up for Headspace, and Andriod App.
The only time EVER I clicked on an add... XD
I been using the app. And it really helped.
When I get a stress attack. I just sit down with some headphones, and spend 10 minutes with my eyes closed sitting on the ground somewhere.
Re: Handling Stress
I'm probably the last person who should be offering advice about handling stress, but I'll chime in anyway.
What helps me when I'm overwhelmed is to make a to-do list (or even better, keep a Trello board or several) to make sure I've got everything noted down, and then forget about it to focus on one thing at a time. If there is a deadline, I set a reminder and then put it out of my mind because it's only going to be a distraction at best and a panic trigger at worst; I'll work on it obviously but not fixate on how much/little time I have left.
When the pressure is on and I feel close to a meltdown, my only goal is simply "Today I will do better than yesterday."
I reward myself for getting through by having some downtime and doing the things I enjoy. Having a hobby is important for staying sane. I find creative ones are best for relaxing; even if you're not particularly skilled at them, it's getting the energy out that matters.
For me specifically because I struggle with anxiety, sensory overload, and social ineptitude, I find that spending a few hours in a peaceful, secluded place out in nature helps me clear my head. I don't like sand or sunshine so I avoid beaches and fynbos; I prefer darkness so forests are my happy place.
I specifically avoid people when I'm struggling, because I tend to overshare and whine which not only doesn't help the problem but also wastes time. Sure having a good support structure is healthy, but when it turns into self-indulgent escapism from one's responsibilities that's when it becomes destructive.
Also as a footnote, there is no shame in seeking artificial support. As long as it's not a crutch and isn't (too) harmful to your health, go ahead and have that sugar, caffeine, pharmaceutical, or cannabis (if legal where you are). Your quality of life is important, so if something genuinely helps you, don't let pride or fear get in the way of using it.
What helps me when I'm overwhelmed is to make a to-do list (or even better, keep a Trello board or several) to make sure I've got everything noted down, and then forget about it to focus on one thing at a time. If there is a deadline, I set a reminder and then put it out of my mind because it's only going to be a distraction at best and a panic trigger at worst; I'll work on it obviously but not fixate on how much/little time I have left.
When the pressure is on and I feel close to a meltdown, my only goal is simply "Today I will do better than yesterday."
I reward myself for getting through by having some downtime and doing the things I enjoy. Having a hobby is important for staying sane. I find creative ones are best for relaxing; even if you're not particularly skilled at them, it's getting the energy out that matters.
For me specifically because I struggle with anxiety, sensory overload, and social ineptitude, I find that spending a few hours in a peaceful, secluded place out in nature helps me clear my head. I don't like sand or sunshine so I avoid beaches and fynbos; I prefer darkness so forests are my happy place.
I specifically avoid people when I'm struggling, because I tend to overshare and whine which not only doesn't help the problem but also wastes time. Sure having a good support structure is healthy, but when it turns into self-indulgent escapism from one's responsibilities that's when it becomes destructive.
Also as a footnote, there is no shame in seeking artificial support. As long as it's not a crutch and isn't (too) harmful to your health, go ahead and have that sugar, caffeine, pharmaceutical, or cannabis (if legal where you are). Your quality of life is important, so if something genuinely helps you, don't let pride or fear get in the way of using it.
- Galahad
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Re: Handling Stress
Headspace... I think I've lost several years of video watching to those ads. Well, as per your recommendation, I might give it a try. I've heard meditation in general does wonders.Adagietto van die Ghetto wrote:I'm sure I mentioned baking to you?
Anyway... I was experiencing super bad stress when a youtube add came up for Headspace, and Andriod App.
That's a very interesting mix of paradoxes, lol. A true INTP, hm? I am similar, but even if the time remaining is horrifying, I try and use it to motivate me more. "This needs to be done by tomorrow? Then let's push with everything we've got and let each tick of the clock be a stern reminder." Which could be a less healthier than what you suggest, depending on how you argue it.Senorita Sirloin the Superlatively Stressed wrote:What helps me when I'm overwhelmed is to make a to-do list (or even better, keep a Trello board or several) to make sure I've got everything noted down, and then forget about it to focus on one thing at a time. If there is a deadline, I set a reminder and then put it out of my mind because it's only going to be a distraction at best and a panic trigger at worst; I'll work on it obviously but not fixate on how much/little time I have left.
Ambitious, but doesn't that make the stress to perform worse?Senorita Sirloin the Superlatively Stressed wrote:When the pressure is on and I feel close to a meltdown, my only goal is simply "Today I will do better than yesterday."
Re: Handling Stress
I like to think of Trello and similar platforms as a sort of Pensieve for muggles. An external hard drive for the brain, as it were. Take the shit that stresses you out, and dump it in there to think about what it's done while you get around to actually doing the shit that needs doing.Philosoraptor wrote: That's a very interesting mix of paradoxes, lol.
Well no, because during those times my productivity tends to slow to a crawl, so any marginal improvement matters.Mister Smartypants wrote:Ambitious, but doesn't that make the stress to perform worse?Senorita Sirloin the Superlatively Stressed wrote: When the pressure is on and I feel close to a meltdown, my only goal is simply "Today I will do better than yesterday."
- Rakuen Growlithe
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Re: Handling Stress
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/androi ... lock-plus/
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/firefo ... ck-origin/
Until it doesn't.
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/vbae ... ibly-wrong
"If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind."
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
~John Stuart Mill~
“Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties.”
~John Milton~
- Galahad
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Re: Handling Stress
I had to look up what a Pensieve is. Do you still consider me a friend?Senorita Sirloin the Superlatively Sarcastic (I will never run out of s-words lol) wrote:I like to think of Trello and similar platforms as a sort of Pensieve for muggles. An external hard drive for the brain, as it were. Take the shit that stresses you out, and dump it in there to think about what it's done while you get around to actually doing the shit that needs doing.
And that makes sense. I personally prefer my mind to be a single solid state that burns itself out with overfocus. Then again, different strokes for different folks, hm?
Is paralysis by analysis a thing for you too? Actual serious question. Where you over-analyse everything in an attempt to categorize and solve it, but only succeed in freezing yourself.Senorita Sirloin the Superlatively Sage wrote:Well no, because during those times my productivity tends to slow to a crawl, so any marginal improvement matters.
Vielen Dank, mein Herr.Please tell me I am not the only one who finds advertisements for adblock ironic wrote:https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/androi ... lock-plus/
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-GB/firefo ... ck-origin/
Rak, I refuse to take 99% of Vice articles seriously. But you piqued my curiosity, and so I committed the sin of giving that site a view and glanced over it. The article says it tends to go wrong for a minority.The Devil's Advocate wrote:Until it doesn't.
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/vbae ... ibly-wrong
Re: Handling Stress
Tsk. I expect anyone aspiring to be my friend to remember the most minute trivia about every popular franchise in existence.Filthy squib wrote:I had to look up what a Pensieve is. Do you still consider me a friend?
I wouldn't have my entire life summarised in Trello boards if I didn't.Galahad.exe has encountered an error and needs to close wrote:Is paralysis by analysis a thing for you too? Actual serious question. Where you over-analyse everything in an attempt to categorize and solve it, but only succeed in freezing yourself.