Relationship Euphoria

[SirenLeo]

I was having a conversation with someone a while back and he asked how things had been going, like really going not just the casual chat banter deal. So I told him, won't go into details here but it was an extensive rant. To my surprise his first response after hearing all of the issues I have been having was "But you have a boyfriend now." and it just got me wondering, what in the bleeding hell does being in a relationship have to do with being happy even if your life is going down the drain?

Having a mate or significant other won't make you happy all the time, it doesn't stop the natural flow of life. Bad things will still happen to you, your boss will still piss you off, you will still have car troubles, you may still get fired or retrenched, you will still get sick.

So I guess the question is why do people think that just because you are in a relationship life shouldn't be able to get you down?

[Adagio]

I think it entails having someone to share the burden with?

[Randall]

Its this-
Being in a relationship just means you're not going through it all alone.
And you have someone to hold you, someone whose shoulder is available to cry on.

BUT relationships are everything to me. No matter what happens, whether I lose my job, or everything, we still have each other.

[Blitzy]

One can also see a true deep genuine relationship as a method of developing emotional intelligence. You get to talk to someone that is not going to use that info to hamstring you.

And companionship does wonders to get rid of depression. Spending time with someone that is a genuine friend/partner does absolute wonders to emotional health. To my experience anyway

[Trace]

Good relationships may help when you're going through problems, but they are in no way a fix-all. Everyone is going to have problems in this life, regardless of whether they're in a relationship or not.
Expecting that everything is okay for someone all the time is unrealistic, but it's what we generally expect unless we are told otherwise. Maybe more so when they are in a happy, healthy relationship.

[Sev]

Its this-
Being in a relationship just means you're not going through it all alone.
And you have someone to hold you, someone whose shoulder is available to cry on.

BUT relationships are everything to me. No matter what happens, whether I lose my job, or everything, we still have each other.

I share this sentiment exactly. No matter how shitty your day has been, going home to a loving partner just makes everything better.

[Raven Song]

BUT!!! Snox has a different (but very common) situation and this is where people I think are quick to say you have a bf therefore all should be okay BUT Snox's BF is in Jozi and Snox is in Qatar sooooo....

Does she really have all that. Yeah, she has a mate and a guy who she can intimately cry too... but he's not physically there. Her problems are still hers alone to carry, because she can share them all she wants with him... but he's not gonna hug her for at least another 6-12 months.

And just because you CAN go home and hug a person and what have you, doesn't mean things aren't hard... I think its unfair to treat it like that. When I was living with my mom people would say "it'll all be okay when you get home and you can talk to your mum about it." No it fucking wont! Just because I can have a heart to heart with her and we can hug it out (we often didn't because shes not a hugger and I am) doesn't mean I left feeling any better. I still felt like my world was crumbling.

having a partner isn't an excuse to belittle someones emotional feelings etc. and make them out to be less than they really are JUST because you have someone to share them with... They are still existant regardless of who we have to share it with and should be treated with equal respect and care.

[SirenLeo]

BUT!!! Snox has a different (but very common) situation and this is where people I think are quick to say you have a bf therefore all should be okay BUT Snox's BF is in Jozi and Snox is in Qatar sooooo....

Does she really have all that. Yeah, she has a mate and a guy who she can intimately cry too... but he's not physically there. Her problems are still hers alone to carry, because she can share them all she wants with him... but he's not gonna hug her for at least another 6-12 months.

And just because you CAN go home and hug a person and what have you, doesn't mean things aren't hard... I think its unfair to treat it like that. When I was living with my mom people would say "it'll all be okay when you get home and you can talk to your mum about it." No it fucking wont! Just because I can have a heart to heart with her and we can hug it out (we often didn't because shes not a hugger and I am) doesn't mean I left feeling any better. I still felt like my world was crumbling.

having a partner isn't an excuse to belittle someones emotional feelings etc. and make them out to be less than they really are JUST because you have someone to share them with... They are still existant regardless of who we have to share it with and should be treated with equal respect and care.

This, this right here, is why we are married in a different timeline I swear.

But that's my point. Even if I was in Jozi I would still get sad, I'd still have bad days, my mate would still have bad days and yeah we would be together but we wouldn't be living in fairyland.

You can't exactly pay your bills by saying "I have a boyfriend."
You're immune system won't miraculously protect you from every disease because you have someone.

Relationships will still crumble, you'll fight with people and have bad luck.

People act like being in a relationship should be like a cure-all, "Have heart problems my friend? Money troubles got you down? That pesty disease won't got away? Try my tried and trusted all purpose remedy called GET-A-PARTNER! It's quick! It's easy! It has minimal hassles! Fix all of your problems with GET-A-PAARTNER! (side effects may vary with use and sexuality)"

[Raven Song]

I demand a fucking like button people!!!!

[Randall]

A relationship was never meant to be a fix for underlying problems. I see the misconception everywhere. Girl thinks she will be feeling better with boyfriend. They get married despite huge compatibility issues. Then she decides to get pregnant as a baby will fix the issues that have become even more. Baby comes, issues get overwhelming, and divorce handle is pulled. They divorce, go separate ways, girl gets lonely... Rinse, repeat!

[Leeward]

I've probably shared this one before, but I think it's relevant here: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/problems

[Sev]

I've probably shared this one before, but I think it's relevant here: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/problems

I'm sure that that is all too common. And it's one of the things that scares me the most; I have so many demons right now, and I don't want to drag that into my relationship.

[SirenLeo]

It is a big concern, and that comic is just the perfect example.

I just don't get the mentality.

[Randall]

The mentality is very common. I see it every day.

[Sev]

The other thing that I see all of the time is married people who are utterly disinterested in each other's lives.
They each have their own circle of friends, and do their own things.

I can't imagine much worse.

[Obsidian]

The other thing that I see all of the time is married people who are utterly disinterested in each other's lives.
They each have their own circle of friends, and do their own things.

I can't imagine much worse.

If they are both happy with that then there is not anything wrong there, what works in a relationship is different between many people. We are all special snowflakes with our own wants and needs

I know a couple where both got hitched and were never heard from again, literally broke off all contact with everyone they knew apart from family.

I also know a couple where the girl has no friends at all and pretty much only has contact with her husband. In this case she actually needs some friends because the husband is not happy with having to stay at home when invited to activities she won't enjoy.

[Leeward]

And then you get those folks who get married purely for the legal benefits, e.g. being immune to testimony against each other, inheritance, etc.

[Sev]

Immunity to testimony against each other?
What does that even mean?

[Leeward]

It means they can't be compelled to testify against each other in a court of law.

[Sev]

So they're marrying because they did something illegal together? Wow, I can see that totally not blowing up down the line.

[Leeward]

In that particular case they're probably not romantic partners anyway, so it doesn't matter. That's kind of what I was getting at.