Let me get to my dream journal, better known as my personal hell.
2012
At the time there where 3 people in my life I would literally die for. It's important to understand that I have a strong feeling of responsibility for people close to me. This was my girlfriend, my mother and my sister. I did the journal as a mind map where I would wright out the story later the day. Some are pretty insane but I never fill in gaps with more logic. I'm literally telling it how it was.
17th June: (Dream journal started a bit before that but I'm not gonna type all the craziness.)
I'm in a mall or grocery store, the layout is completely nonsensical and i'm doing shopping. I walk towards the butchery area, the place immediately transitions into a kitchen without me remembering walking in to it. I do remember being under some kind of pressure to get stuff done in the dream which somehow turns me into a chef for that kitchen. I'm making something for a hotel but with mince and chocolate slabs in the same dish. We're having some kind of a chocolate shortage and before I know it I'm being prosecuted by the police for it. An argument starts and I invite them into my office. Sitting on a desk in a completely empty room that seems infinite in 2 directions. The cops talk about something to do with speeding fines with me under one of those interrogation lights and I reply with we'll have enough chocolate to sort this out if they gave me more time. They replied that the due date has passed and there is now a global shortage of chocolate in the world. They arrest me and brings a straitjacket towards me while the physical environment completely collapses. I freak out to the extent that I woke up.
This is a very good example of the transition problems and the nonsensicalness included in most of my dreams.
22nd June:
I'm walking on a beam of concrete blocks, the world around me is distorted but I do remember my friend standing in front. I slip and fall and instead of hitting the pavement I fall straight through it into a latticework of clocks, as I'm freefalling with the sensation of constant acceleration in this warped universe that feels like a LSD trip the clocks starts ticking louder and louder until they all sound the alarm at the same time. For some reason I think about how the laws of simultaneity breaks down in different frames of reference only to wake up and found my alarm clock is going off and I overslept.
A lot of my dreams are like this. Many also relate to fields I'm either employed in or have an interest in.
1st July:
Me and Christine (my ex) are both driving on the R28 in the middle of the night. It starts being more and more like a cross-country American highway in the Nevada dessert and we're driving in some classic American car. We need to update our parents on where we are at the moment cause the journey is now somehow cross country. For some reasons the only cellphone we have is in the boot/trunk of the car. I pull over and she fetches it only for me to hear horrid screams as she opens the trunk. I jump out and find that the trunk is filled completely with human blood. No remains, just blood. For some reason, transparent enough to see through it only to find 2 cellphones at the back with the one ringing underneath the blood. I reached in, gave her her phone and answer the other only to hear the exact same scream on the other side that she made when opening the trunk. As I turned around she's nowhere to be found and I run into the field on the side yelling. I turn around to fetch the phone that I dropped to call her or the police or something. When I got to the car something jumps out of the trunk with a cable and strangles me from behind. I wake up.
The above dream I can reference back to it's origins of a similar feeling or idea I got when watching Joyride. In the film they found the receiver in the trunk with the brake lights drowning the scene in red. And no the fact that my Ex's name was Christine has nothing to do with the American car theme.
Waking up finding my ex on the bed and breathing was one of the most relieving moments of my life.
So now, even though the R28 thing started turning into some American highway and that the cellphone was in the boot for some reason, you should notice how in a short amount of time the dreams started becoming more lucid and I can recall fine details which fitted more in a real world environment. Details that I didn't wright down in the journal even such as my ex pointing towards the rock formations on the side of the road. Even the lines on the road was created in a more similar manner that I've seen or experienced before. We we're driving on the left though.
22nd August:
So here is where it stopped. I didn't write this down but it was on the 22nd of August and I remembered it exactly. I'm now already recalling whether I'm dreaming or not sometimes which was the purpose of the journal, then this one came along during a time me and my ex where fighting and it is to date the longest most vivid bitch of a dream. I've even talked to people about it.
I'm at a wedding. My GF at the time's wedding and she's marrying one of my friends. The venue architecture is exactly similar to that of my sister's wedding. The priest was some dude I hated for being the most boring preacher when I was still religious. The 2 flower girls was these 2 brats I can't stand from another friend who is the best man. I'm obviously in complete envy and just want it over and done with. However just like weddings it's the most fucken dragged out boring experience that for some reason the bride and the groom thinks people enjoy. I was there with my sister and my parents where invited as well. After the wedding was done we didn't stay for the reception and my sister is driving home with me. It's a gravel parking lot and we greeted everyone and finally got to go home. However it's already night time.
The road turns from this gravel into a standard dirt road but it's quite long. In a daze I turn left into a corner around some bushes in complete blackness instead of right onto the tarmac and my sister asks where I'm going. But before she could even finish her words and me looking back to where I should've gone, I drove into a sinkhole or mine shaft of the exact width of my car. Nose facing straight down we stopped as the rocks friction held up the car.
Lights are on and all we see is this black tunnel that seems to go on forever in front of us. I ask her to slowly reach for her cellphone and just as she starts dialing for help the car falls further down. Now there is no reception and I'm trying to figure out what we're gonna do. Getting actual panic attacks not due to a fear of dying but not being able to help my sister out of the situation. We fall a little more again and I know it's over cause we're at least 100m down after the second fall and it's literally in the middle of no where around some obscured turn. The humidity started building up and my stress is in waves of complete anxiety to fear and then back again. It felt like it lasted for hours until I woke up.
Waking up was just as weird cause my GF that got married was lying next to me in bed. This was way to realistic for my liking and I can perfectly visualize my entire field of vision minute after minute. I even phoned my sister that day just to talk to her.
So this is why I stopped the dream journal thing cause my brain constantly tries to trick me when I recall dreaming by adding more and more detail. It's not horror in most cases but a worse feeling. If it was only me it wouldn't have been nearly as bad but my worst fear is making a mistake and loosing someone close to me as a result of that without the ability to do anything about it.
My vivid dreams are never good. Therefore I don't want to remember them.
/WOT
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