The road forward... WIP (I need some comets )

[Koda]

Ive bee meaning to get back into writing. BUT i cant decide on what story. I have a few concepts that i want to work on, BUT i really wanna get into Koda's story at the moment.

Maybe you guys can give me some suggestions, will this work? or should i rather start on a WAY different note?:

“So where is this guide you were talking about? He sounds like he will get the job done” said a scrawny grey fox whilst looking over his shoulder. “He will be here shortly old man. You always worry too much” a small and feminine fox as she poked playfully at the old fox. “Just like your mother, always smiling and joking around. Amanda, I really need to get this parcel to Medrad”. “Why don’t you just send it via post or courier or something, huh gramps?” Amanda frowned. The little female fox crossed her arms and shook her long red hair. “Because I am the engineer that built it and at this moment the only one that can fit…” “ey… HOOOI, how are ya?” Koda came walking along the distance. The wolf had shades of brown fur and a fit physique, waving and throwing piece signs all over the place. “That idiot is my guide?” The old fox cried out in confusion, his left eyebrow twitching. “Yup” Amanda snickered waving back at Koda, her golden eyes shining as it reflects the sun. “That’s Koda gramps. He is the best guide you will ever get. Don’t let his silly personality fool you. He is a dear friend and has offered to take you there. He will protect you no matter what.” “If you say so” the old fox shook his head. Koda ran closer, jumping up into the air and made a summersault, but this did not end well as he slipped and fell flat on his muzzle. “yipess… ow ow owwww” He moaned whilst lifting himself off the ground.

Coments?

[Contrast]

For starters, you should break it up into paragraphs. Would make everything much easier to read if everyone's dialogue started in a new line.

And here's a bonus vocabulary boost for you. Instead of saying "female fox," you could just say "vixen." Much cooler and 200% less clunky.

[Obsidian]

best looking comet i found

[Koda]

Thanx for the tips Contrast!!!!! It helps a heap load! hehehe, getting things on paper can be hard, Luckily we have such a experienced a fur on the forum!!! ^.^: Please comment on my future stories or whatever if you have time =)

Obsidian- That is one cool comet hahaha... TOTALLY RANDOM. XD

[Sunny Fox]

yeah, i agree with Contrast on breaking it up into paragraphs ^^, ...

@Contrast pshht, Contrast iv been meaning to read your work but i can never get to page chapter one xD i always see chapter 6 and others >.> ...than again, im a noob online xD

@Koda, sounds good so far, nice imagery, keep it up and carry on, just remember to split it up so its easier to read ^^, good work regardless

[Contrast]

@Contrast pshht, Contrast iv been meaning to read your work but i can never get to page chapter one xD i always see chapter 6 and others >.> ...than again, im a noob online xD

No problem! Just click here: https://www.sofurry.com/view/517235
I also post it on FA, but SoFurry's layout for stories is much better, and you can see all the installments neatly lined up on the left side in the correct order.
Hope you enjoy!

PS: Sorry, Koda! Hope you don't mind me quickly hijacking your thread to plug my story.
(He did ask.)

[Koda]

PS: Sorry, Koda! Hope you don't mind me quickly hijacking your thread to plug my story.
(He did ask.)

GO FOR IT =D