heya, please check out my peom

[Kurrichane]

I've been writing poems for a whlie now and were wondering if they were any good, I want to post them on here but I'm not sure about it as I've never told any of them to anyone before.

I've decided to post one for now and see the feedback, then decide whether I should post more or not. Most of them are sad or depressing but its how I express how im feeling.

Please if you do give feedback, I would greatly appreciate it if you were completely honest aboout your opinion and if I should post more.

So.. here it goes.

Untitled

Why do we smile when nothing is right?
Why do we stand and put up a fight?
Why do we do this when we know we cant win?
..Maybe we just to proud to give in

With all our emotions bottled inside
We look down and try to hide
The feelings we feel but dont let out
We dont want others to know that we're down

When we alone, in the darkness of night
With nothing to to we let out a cry
With the pain and sadness that was bottled inside
This unbreakable girl, broke down and cried

She wipes away her tears and puts on a smile
Ready for the day to come in just a while
So no one knows that something is wrong
She once again waits...
..For the lonlyness of night to come along

[jacojerb]

Very sad. Just wondering, shouldn't the "we" in verse 4 and 9 be we're?

Sorry, cant say much else, not a big fan of poetry, but, while this is sad and stuff, I like it more than the stuff we do at school, which is apparently famous and stuff, so I guess that means this is good...

Sorry for the uninformed opinion, but I tried

[Raven Song]

jacojerb you mine line 4 and 9, not verse....

i like it, thought it was really well put together. makes me wanna draw something....

[Rakuen Growlithe]

Punk-Fox, you mean "mean," not "mine." Correcting people is fun. ^^

I liked the first verse were it rhymed and had rhythm. After that it sort of broke down though.

[Raven Song]

Ppppppbbbbbbbbbbbttt.... (thats how you spell the sound of me sticking my tongue out at you ) yeah i know... spelling and grammar is not meh best point well played master Growlithe anyway, i liked the poem...

[jacojerb]

And I did all the poetry stuff in Afrikaans, got momentarily confused

[Adagio]

I think of poetry as an art. I once saw a painting by Picasso with a circle, a square and an triangle on an otherwise blank piece of paper, Yet it selled for well over $10 000!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I like your poem because I can relate to its content.
Keep it up!