Memoirs of a mad fox

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YoteFox
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Memoirs of a mad fox

#1

Post by YoteFox »

Recently I was asked a very interesting question by a very good friend of mine, out of the blue. My answer did quite actually touch me in an emotional way. The timing of the question asked also had quite a lot to do with it.

It was around 6 minutes past midnight, me and Tocs were chatting about fursuit stuff and the diverse types of handpaws and feetpaws, textures and what have you. Then when out of the blue he asked me quite a question which I wasn’t ready for.

The question was, and I quote: “Dude… why do you suit?”
My mind went blank for a few seconds, thinking of all the possible reasons I like to suit but most answers are a bit shallow as in not from the heart. I wanted to say because it’s fun but that isn’t really a justifiable answer, sure fursuiting is fun but there is a greater truth behind it.

I simply responded with that it’s a good question. You might think well it’s an easy answer, but no it isn’t. Not for me at least and reason being that my entire participation in the furry lifestyle is because of suiting and fursuits. There’s some form of attraction or fascination with it. It’s my very reason for being into anthropomorphic beings, first there was the fursuit then there was the fursona.

My mind absolutely boggled on this, then Tocs replied:
“ I feel like… when I first asked you and if I were to ask you now your answer would be different”
“cause when I first asked… you just said it was an interest. Just to like get creative and stuff”
“I’m sorry but… I find that so difficult to believe with the amount of effort and care you put into it”
“Your sonas and other people’s sonas matter to you so much…so I feel it’s a lot more”


He was onto something, my mind started running like a hamster on a wheel. Thinking of possible answers. I still couldn’t answer him. My answer came after many erasing the message and retyping, knowing that I must answer this if not just for him but myself as well.

My exact reply
“I honestly don’t have a straightforward answer for you. It’s become complicated, I certainly feel it’s more than just an interest. I have grown emotionally attached to my sona, all of them. It’s liberating to dress up as Vex and just for a moment I can let guard down and be someone else, someone I “designed” in a sense. I dictate his personality and choose the traits I like.”
“I literally see people as their fursonas, I know you as Tocs. I value people, I know how deeply I feel about mine and assume others feel the same as I do”


Yet even after this answer I felt that there was more to it, this answer couldn’t be the reason alone for my love for fursuits.

Tocs replied:
“Yet the traits and personality are still a clear reflection of yourself... Like they aren't just generic things like "cool" or "shy". There is a lot of your own personality when you are in suit... maybe more than you realise”

The person most qualified to say this to me would be Tocs, he’s had the most experience with me suiting since he’s my handler.

He had a point. My acting in suit doesn’t go far beyond my own personality. But why is this?
Am I shy? Well to a degree I am but I tend to be quite extroverted and even my psychologist told me that I am an introverted extrovert. So, then I can put some of the reasoning as shyness yes, but one overcomes that a few minutes after suiting.

Then why? Why do I not reach far beyond my own personality in terms of living out my character I worked so hard on?
I’ll tell you why, I am happy with the person I am today. There is just about nothing except for petty things that eat at me that I’d change. I do change these things when in suit, they are just so insignificant no one notices but me.

This has shown me a lot about myself already, things that go unnoticed. Suiting has helped me realise these things, and not just suiting alone. Great friends like Tocs whom spend the time conversating and looking at deeper meanings behind my intents. Why? Because he cares.

Tocs’ Ultimate reply that almost had me in tears:
“But this answer you gave is the core as to why you do care. Why you spend time. Why you're a perfectionist. Why you feel bad if things aren't done. Why you want to do your best”

It is true what they say, the furry fandom is a place of be wonderment. It has bad, it has good and it has downright ugly! But at the end of the day it’s up to you as the person participating in the furry party to decide what you value and what your reasoning is. No one can decide for you, if you have friends like Tocsy they can guide you as much as they can but it’s still your own decision.

Look I’m going to be blatant here, there has been a lot of manure revolving around well not just me but others around me. I’ve had my fair share of unpleasant encounters which nearly led to me just giving up on it all, but there has always been a force an invisible hand in economic terms.

I think of giving up on Yotefox and VexFox, then I realise that I’d be giving up on myself…
Let that sink in for a moment, yes, I had myself speechless as well. Maybe you aren’t but I certainly was.

The reason why my acting doesn’t go far beyond my own personality and I don’t put up a generic attitude is because I’d feel fake. I’d feel fake because that isn’t me, I am YoteFox, I am VexFox these two anthro foxes are me!

It’s the reason why I can’t stand 99.9% of “furry youtubers” I perceive them mostly as fake and cringeworthy. Yes, I have my own YouTube channel and yes some of my videos are extremely cringeworthy and I’m okay with that being out there. I’ve had my “Fun”

Someone else can wear my suit and you’d instantly know it isn’t me, even I know it isn’t Vex and yes, I have experimented with this before. When someone else wears the suit, I see the person wearing the suit and not the suit. It's a suit then, the person who makes the suit become Vex is me at the end of the day.

I think I have found what truly being furry means, it’s far beyond a simple definition. It’s an emotional connection to what you hold dear. Love by that meaning. I love my Fursonas, I love Yote and I love Vex. But how can you love something that isn’t real, you ask. Well they are real and no not just to me. I’ve said this before I am Yote and I am Vex, and no one can take that away from me but myself.

I want to conclude by saying, I've always felt that there is a deeper meaning to all things in life, meanings that goes beyond trivial things like definitions and labels. I'm a furry not because of the definition of the word furry, but because I feel an emotional connection that can't be described in words.

P.S
Thank you for taking the time to read, I know it was a lot. 1264 words excluding this paragraph. I felt the need to share this. I know I haven't exactly been active on the forums but I've been working a lot on my career and I'm happy to say that I have finished my undergraduate and I'm embarking on my Post Graduate now so expect even less of me :lol:
I'd rather be fursuiting

Suit up and it will make you feel better
- Pepper Coyote


People get built different. We don't need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. Maybe he likes his company more than I like mine - Princess Bubblegum
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Trace
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Re: Memoirs of a mad fox

#2

Post by Trace »

That was a really awesome read, Yote. Thank you for sharing that.
Sometimes I've wondered why I'm a part of this fandom... and I would agree with you. In some ways, my fursonas can feel more like the "real" me than I do. I would say that they are very much a part of myself, and that there really is something about acknowledging those parts of yourself that is really empowering.
... or something. I am typing this at 4AM here, so I might be spouting nonsense. But I think I understand what you mean. There really is something special to be found in the fandom.
Also, congratulations on getting your undergraduate done! Best of luck on your post-grad studies. ^.^
"I change shapes just to hide in this place, but I'm still, I'm still an animal" -Miike Snow, 'Animal'
"Where there's life, there's hope."-Terence
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Tocs
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Re: Memoirs of a mad fox

#3

Post by Tocs »

You know I'm always here for ya bud ^^. Honestly I feel that the core of this though is what makes the furry community amazing in a lot of ways.. I believe my reasonings come in the replies I said to yote but I will stand by them. I'm just glad I was able to help you out ^^
For the most part, it is pointless to be sad in life.
Because sad spelt backwards is das
And das not good
Love every stranger, the stranger the better
The darker the night, the brighter I glow!
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